In following through with what I said I would do in my last blog (cause I know you read it), I've come across the WORLD'S BEST JOB!!!!! (it would be much less sarcastic and dramatic if there were only 4 exclamation points)
In another prior post, I mentioned a few of my passions (tattoos, area codes, dead presidents, etc.), but it turns out I may have missed one or two (or more depending on my mood and things that are present in the room I'm in). One of said passions is lip balm. Ever since the ripe age of 3 when I first remember my mother slathering some vasaline onto my excessively chapped lips, I have been fascinated with lip balm. After putting up with the same, bland, waxy, cherry flavored ChapStick brand for 10 years (because that was what my mom used, and let's be honest, for those years of my life, I only knew the stuff that my mom used because mom always knows best. At least that's what she told me. And I believed her. For some reason or another. But I digress), I began to aquire a taste for something else. After going through phases of stealing the crazy flavor balms (i.e. Dr. Pepper, Starburst, etc.) from the girls I liked in junior high and then consequently feeling self-conscious because I was using girls' lip balm, I moved into a denial phase where I would rarely use any balm. And my lips would get chapped, and I would be miserable.
But then one day, I was made aware of Burt's Beeswax, so I tried it, and I haven't used anything else since then.
I just had to get all of that out so that I could explain why the following would be *pause for effect* the world's best job. While watching the pregame rituals of the New York Knicks, I noticed one guy on the sideline who had one jobe: to make sure that Amar'e Stoudemire had lip balm on his lips prior to the jump ball. How awesome is that? There is a guy out there whose job it is to carry around Carmex and hold it for one of the most intense players in the NBA.
Good Lord, I hope every player has a personal assistant like this. I'm going to go make friends with Adam Morrison so I can brush the lint off of his suits while he sits on the bench and make sure he has an adequate supply of Colgate toothpaste...
On second thought, no I'm not.
The Hardest Button to Button,
[z]ach
