UPDATE.

I'm not dead.
(and Michigan still sucks)


In the Cut,
[z]ach

[insert vuvuzela noise here. LOUDLY]

The World Cup is the coolest thing to happen to the sporting world since the creation of the sphere.

But I digress. You know how you won't shutup about 'those super annoying horns that they play constantly' during the World Cup? Please mask your intolerance and ignorance of other cultures in a slightly more discreet manner next time, thank you. I know we live in a culture that is based around complaining (I mean come on, this is a blog, of course I'm complaining, too), but think about that for the next day or two. In all your interactions in one day, try to count the number of complaints that you hear from friends, family members, co-workers, talking heads (on TV, not the band), or accidentially (yea, right) overhear in other people's conversations. I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say that it is an excessive amount.

Back to the point.

Yes, I also understand that you are new to the beautiful game of soccer and need to hear the announcers explain what is going on loud and clear, so pressing the mute button becomes a very difficult task. But do you think you could just TRY and appreciate a foreign culture? South Africa is not the USA. Not even close. For one, it's winter there (which is why everyone on the benches is wearing huge jackets and looks like they're freezing) which, I know, is hard to imagine. I feel like it was just yesterday, I was complaining about how the 20 below windchill was making my lips feel all dry. But that's only a geographical difference. How about the fact that the country was run by one of the most corrupt governments in the history of the world (see: apartheid) until 1994? It's worlds away from the place that we Americans live.

The vuvuzelas are just part of their culture. It's the way they cheer at soccer games. Why does everyone seem to be on this (watch this slightly word-altering pun) banwagon (get it? cause they want to ban the horns?) to prohibit, or at least limit, the usage of the horns? It's absolutely appalling that this sense of ethnocentrism is okay with so many people. I feel like banning the vuvuzelas from soccer stadiums in South Africa is like me walking into someone else's house and asking them to take down pictures and decorations because I find them bothersome. Tell me that's not messed up.

I bet there are other cultures in the world that find it strange, annoying, and stupid that they play organs and music and chant stupid things at baseball and football games in America (I also bet that other cultures in the world find it strange, annoying, and stupid that the sports of baseball and football even exist), but when they play here or watch the games on TV, they don't try to get the noises outlawed.

Soccer is the world's game, and I hate to break it to you, but most of the world is outside the US. Deal with it. If you can't, the game of soccer doesn't want you anyway. Go back to your game that encourages eating, drug use, and rotting your teeth while you stand around and take a swing at a ball every now and again. And maybe jog a few yards if you get lucky. There are reasons the rest of the world hates us.

Lose Yourself,

[z]ach

[s]watch This

Given the reactions I've received from showing a few people this commercial that I made for class, I figured it'd be a good idea to post it and make it even more readily viewable. I can only hope that it gets as many views as 'David After Dentist' (I think it goes without saying, which leads me to believe I must say it- This is merely a video that I made for a class, it does not represent the views of anyone at Swatch (unless they want it to). Also, don't try to visit the link at the end. It's also not real. Maybe someday.)

Enjoy.

On another note, feel free to check out my portfolio @ www.wix.com/zmanl2233/portfolio1, and see the work that I've actually done in college. Also feel free to not visit at all and just continue living your life.

Strawberry Fields Forever,

[z]ach

Get Some [ink]

Coming on the heels of making the drastic revelation that Deshawn Stevenson is one of the coolest dudes in the world (see below), I figured I'd mock up my own tattoo, inspired by him. Granted, I'm probably going to at least have to add a face tat, grow my beard for 3 more years straight, and break into the League soon to have the same credibility, but at that point, I'll just be seen as an imitator. So realistically, I'll probably never get a face tat, I will maintain my facial hair based on various whims that I get when the breeze blows southward, and continue to play ball at my current level (which means I definitely won't be breaking into the League any time soon). His 505 area code got nothin' on the 16001 zip code.

(reader's note: the presidents depicted in my tattoo are not my 2 favorite presidents. Well, at least one of them isn't.)

My Name is Jonas,

[z]ach

Join the Team

Oh I Think They Like Me,

[z]ach

Tatted [thumbs]Up[and down]

I've been considering getting a tattoo for a while now, but I'm still deciding on what to get. There are a lot of cliche tattoos out there that I'm not even going to recognize. I'm sure they have a deep meaning with the person, but they're not overly original. The tats that I like most are either very original and clever or absolutely the worst ones ever. Professional athletes have some of the most ink, and since I really like sports, seeing their tattoos is really cool. Here are some that I've found. Good and bad.

Original and interesting: Kenyon Martin's wife's lips on his neck.

Bad: DeShawn Stevenson's face tat. Not only do I think he did it himself, it's the second most disgraceful and disrespectful usage of the Pirates logo (in case you're wondering, the MOST disgraceful use of the Pirates logo: any time the Pirates are playing a game and sporting it)

Worse: But that's not it! While looking for the face tat, I came across another. Mind you, this is on the same person.

Actually. Now that I think about it, I can't really call these bad and worse. I can honestly say I dig the man's creativity and thought in his tattoos. Even if he did one on his face on his own, I can respect that. I may even consider him a hero of mine. He and I clearly have many of the same interests: basketball, the city of Pittsburgh, tattoos, beards, Honest Abe, and area codes. I hope someday I get to meet this interesting man.

And in that light, I'll leave you with a truly [gawd]awful (pun absolutely intended) one. Nothing more need be said.

Until the Lion Learns to Speak,

[z]ach

Introducing: G Dub

Up next is G Dub on the mic.

Get it George.

Arright. Yo. Yo. Yo.

The name's Washington

But you can just call me George

And we came to battle

Like Valley Forge

Yeah. We reppin' VA.

Got Pharrell on the beat

Horse teeth in my mouth,

But still spittin' mad heat

Got my face on the bills

Givin' Brittish the chills

Makin you uneasy

With these superstar skillz

Young Buck told me

16 bars is all I need

But don't 'Beg for Mercy'

I want you to plead.

Thanks George.

Poppin Them Thangs,

[z]ach